Manners in the Classroom: Why Kids Don’t Know to Behave Anymore and What to Do About It

You’ve seen it. Kids push each other in the hall, cut in line at lunch and seldom say the magic words “please” and “thank you.” Don’t these kids have any manners? Well, many of them don’t, at least not in our traditional definition of manners. Kids aren’t born with good manners and it is true that many parents today don’t spend a lot of time reinforcing manners. Who knows why? So, like with so many other things, if you want your kids to use good manners, you will have to teach them. It takes time but it will pay off. Not only are you setting up a classroom that runs much more smoothly, but are you teaching students a life skill that benefits society as a whole.

The very best way to teach manners is by role-modeling. Use “please” and “thank you” liberally. Invite people to go through doors in front of you. I did a secret experiment in my psychology class several years ago. When someone sneezed, I made it a point to say, “Bless you.” At first, only one or other student responded as I did. By the end of the month each sneeze was greeted by a chorus of “Bless you.” Role modeling makes a huge impact.

Note: There is a school of thought that teachers should not thank students for doing behavior that is expected of them. Their job is being a student and you don’t thank people for just doing their job. The same goes for saying “please.” Personally, I think that’s ridiculous. When a waiter refills my water glass, I say “thank you.” Yes, it’s his job but everyone appreciates a positive acknowledgment. How in the world are kids supposed to learn polite behavior if they don’t see it role-modeled by us?

You can also practice manners for a few minutes every day. Pick a situation and talk about how adults respond, or should respond. Every year before prom I would teach kids how to introduce their date to adults and how to eat at a nice restaurant. Kids were so proud to come up to me and introduce their prom dates.

Lots of opportunities exist every day to reinforce manners. When students enter the classroom some will push another student aside to enter first. This gives you a chance to talk about what adults do in this situation. One adult will step back and let the other enter first. This is usually determined by age or status. Not only are you teaching manners you are also giving them valuable information on how adults expect each other to behave.

I personally think the world would be a much better place if everyone practiced good manners. Yes, it’s somewhat artificial, but many of our societal expectations are artificial. It still gets positive results. Many employers still make hiring decisions based on good manners.No student will ever be harmed by expecting them to display civil behavior. And it makes your life in the classroom much easier.

by Barbara A Toney

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